just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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