i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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