On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
