I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Randomize
