I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They took my balls.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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