he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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