I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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