Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize