Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
