Texts From Last Night · Shambles's Favorites

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Shambles's Favorites Texts:

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(757): View more from Virginia

Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.

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(443): View more from Maryland

His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake

Fav 46 7704 1931
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(517): View more from Michigan

you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii

Fav 22 9593 1845
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(318): View more from Louisiana

That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."

(423): View more from Tennessee

Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.

Fav 24 10050 1752
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(315): View more from New York

They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.

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(417): View more from Missouri

My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.

Fav 28 1458 6056
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