Texts From Last Night · kEBa's Favorites

Sorry dijj hasn't picked any favorites yet.

kEBa's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

(508): View more from Massachusetts

awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

(1-508): View more from Massachusetts

you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

Fav 98 42077 2247
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals

Fav 13 1578 1205
share tweet

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

(917): View more from New York City

what kind of party is this?

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

the best kind ever

Fav 22 8325 1515
share tweet
(913): View more from Kansas

hows the party?

(816): View more from Missouri

ists fjcssing insceredle

(913): View more from Kansas

be there in 10

Fav 61 28046 1879
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

Fav 40 17274 2677
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.

Fav 6 5661 1277
share tweet

(740): View more from Ohio

He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over

Fav 41 1528 3260
share tweet

(859): View more from Kentucky

Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.

Fav 23 6496 1954
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila

Fav 24 1693 4136
share tweet
(401): View more from Rhode Island

We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."

Fav 15 4369 5277
share tweet
(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.

Fav 17 5772 1158
share tweet

(586): View more from Michigan

yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.

Fav 14 7816 1298
share tweet

(508): View more from Massachusetts

We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.

Fav 32 4131 1174
share tweet
(954): View more from Florida

hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.

Fav 22 7357 1405
share tweet

(781): View more from Massachusetts

i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too

Fav 17 3621 879
share tweet
(407): View more from Florida

I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.

Fav 25 6126 822
share tweet
(309): View more from Illinois

Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile

Fav 27 1474 2952
share tweet
(818): View more from California

Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"

Fav 14 3162 988
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?

Fav 54 1251 4814
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.

Fav 10 1221 3447
share tweet
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.

Fav 79 7216 1428
share tweet
(325): View more from Texas

I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room

Fav 53 4796 2737
share tweet
(260): View more from Indiana

Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes

Fav 48 4446 1959
share tweet
(805): View more from California

Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.

Fav 23 5656 1394
share tweet
(619): View more from California

let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out

Fav 34 5113 1027
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?

Fav 22 9782 6605
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy

Fav 18 1499 2473
share tweet
(954): View more from Florida

Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.

Fav 16 4406 1450
share tweet
(305): View more from Florida

Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies

Fav 17 1112 4860
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."

Fav 21 6965 1896
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.

Fav 85 11153 2920
share tweet
(646): View more from New York

I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me

Fav 20 4980 1232
share tweet
(502): View more from Kentucky

The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"

Fav 23 6551 1034
share tweet
(316): View more from Kansas

i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes

Fav 25 5797 1939
share tweet
(218): View more from Minnesota

I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.

Fav 42 7143 2351
share tweet
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You know how to spell recollection?

Fav 16 5801 1712
share tweet
(413): View more from Massachusetts

i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

Fav 36 16875 1736
share tweet
(313): View more from Michigan

i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.

Fav 59 2018 5749
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.

Fav 49 1372 5188
share tweet
(281): View more from Texas

Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him

(1-281): View more from Texas

college has opened so many doors for you

Fav 44 4780 1106
share tweet
(647): View more from Ontario

You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep

Fav 17 5890 1305
share tweet
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

there needs to be a build-a-bong store...

Fav 53 9506 1340
share tweet
(604): View more from British Columbia

You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.

Fav 15 5268 1474
share tweet
(909): View more from California

Would you still love me if I had no teeth

(1-909): View more from California

Yeah why?

(909): View more from California

Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone

Fav 34 1773 12107
share tweet
(313): View more from Michigan

Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.

Fav 19 1634 6574
share tweet
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together

Fav 20 7903 1538
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.

(1-503): View more from Oregon

Marry him

Fav 39 9691 1330
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

Fav 42 10353 2108
share tweet
(216): View more from Ohio

I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.

Fav 10 6567 1161
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.

Fav 14 8150 1264
share tweet
(336): View more from North Carolina

do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?

(828): View more from North Carolina

how high are you?

Fav 59 12917 2200
share tweet
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...

Fav 40 3962 1418
share tweet
(925): View more from California

i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit

Fav 46 5366 1325
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up

Fav 78 1439 5316
share tweet
(931): View more from Tennessee

woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?

(615): View more from Tennessee

New experience?

Fav 9 3078 940
share tweet
(254): View more from Texas

I see lights

(512): View more from Texas

Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.

Fav 5 1675 866
share tweet
(515): View more from Iowa

Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.

Fav 31 6011 878
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge

Fav 21 7093 780
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide

Fav 7 787 3602
share tweet
(918): View more from Oklahoma

i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."

Fav 13 4732 943
share tweet
(904): View more from Florida

the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.

Fav 42 9098 1036
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

You'll be proud of me

(1-503): View more from Oregon

Who did you not have sex with

(503): View more from Oregon

Damn it...you know me too well

Fav 13 5361 1033
share tweet
(330): View more from Ohio

i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love

Fav 26 6711 920
share tweet
(440): View more from Ohio

just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.

Fav 15 1271 2681
share tweet
(301): View more from Maryland

All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands

Fav 10 4683 1216
share tweet
(207): View more from Maine

i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea

(1-207): View more from Maine

probs a good idea

(207): View more from Maine

i like the whole idea of life and being alive

(1-207): View more from Maine

you sure you're not high?

Fav 29 6142 1216
share tweet
(413): View more from Massachusetts

The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

Fav 19 8304 1734
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

Fav 12 8223 1408
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

Fav 53 12722 1796
share tweet
(225): View more from Louisiana

ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today

Fav 17 1485 9736
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?

Fav 21 4612 1285
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

I'm going to jail i love you

Fav 16 1398 1900
share tweet
(413): View more from Massachusetts

Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck

Fav 5 1558 3798
share tweet
(440): View more from Ohio

it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once

(1-440): View more from Ohio

that is the greatest description ever

Fav 9 2507 720
share tweet
(858): View more from California

He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.

Fav 11 2431 839
share tweet
(414): View more from Wisconsin

I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours

Fav 27 6566 1947
share tweet
(978): View more from Massachusetts

so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo

Fav 36 6472 1583
share tweet
(859): View more from Kentucky

Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.

Fav 71 7428 1231
share tweet
(925): View more from California

GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.

(1-925): View more from California

Wtf it's a Friday night?

(925): View more from California

PRIORITIZE.

Fav 20 1946 3313
share tweet
(313): View more from Michigan

I wish I could punch you in the face.

Fav 4 1767 930
share tweet
(678): View more from Georgia

So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night

Fav 14 6773 1488
share tweet
(216): View more from Ohio

I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.

Fav 23 7050 1221
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly

Fav 15 4405 881
share tweet
(831): View more from California

There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

Fav 25 7582 1108
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

Fav 25 8791 1703
share tweet
(979): View more from Texas

Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.

Fav 26 1173 4063
share tweet
(616): View more from Michigan

She acts like you when your on meds

(510): View more from California

She acts like batman?

Fav 17 6769 1170
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.

Fav 30 8674 1110
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.

Fav 26 1139 5981
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.

Fav 46 6586 1159
share tweet
(732): View more from New Jersey

Who did Billy Mays play for?

Fav 33 1000 4500
share tweet
(312): View more from Illinois

My room smells like vodka and shame

Fav 7 2223 977
share tweet
(952): View more from Minnesota

i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...

Fav 11 3856 908
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?

Fav 12 3611 1145
share tweet
(440): View more from Ohio

Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."

Fav 130 2411 831
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.

Fav 28 1602 13219
share tweet
(757): View more from Virginia

We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.

Fav 15 5983 1369
share tweet
(417): View more from Missouri

I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.

Fav 32 4374 879
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.

Fav 47 1691 3390
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.

Fav 11 4931 932
share tweet
(559): View more from California

Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.

Fav 109 13614 1466
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.

Fav 24 2009 3779
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like

Fav 25 960 2447
share tweet
(530): View more from California

Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.

Fav 30 8201 1543
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?

(815): View more from Illinois

that's gum

Fav 42 3362 3247
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift

Fav 52 6154 2265
share tweet
(269): View more from Michigan

I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.

Fav 33 6257 1121
share tweet
(979): View more from Texas

we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?

Fav 25 4811 1350
share tweet
(915): View more from Texas

I told you I was good to drive

(1-915): View more from Texas

dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

Fav 54 75095 3010
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself

Fav 19 3623 4924
share tweet
(916): View more from California

and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse

Fav 12 5114 1591
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

I can feel you judging me through the phone.

Fav 14 1559 3750
share tweet
(619): View more from California

just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.

Fav 16 5585 1139
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.

Fav 52 1917 8454
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

Fav 842 146094 10745
share tweet
(585): View more from New York

Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick

Fav 45 4150 1032
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to

(1-845): View more from New York

i wanted you to too

Fav 15 1151 1717
share tweet
(260): View more from Indiana

dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?

(1-260): View more from Indiana

what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing

Fav 51 18893 1734
share tweet
(540): View more from Virginia

it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.

Fav 25 7990 1661
share tweet
(310): View more from California

your room smells of hookers.

(904): View more from Florida

And success

Fav 10 2244 859
share tweet
(217): View more from Illinois

So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy

Fav 16 1242 4880
share tweet
(405): View more from Oklahoma

I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...

Fav 16 3550 905
share tweet
(918): View more from Oklahoma

We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

Fav 14 7016 2154
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.

Fav 87 8362 2049
share tweet
(518): View more from New York

4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

Fav 55 11140 3717
share tweet