Texts From Last Night · swallow105's Favorites

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swallow105's Favorites Texts:

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.

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(770): View more from Georgia

just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I think my fart just growled at me.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.

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(765): View more from Indiana

We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny

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(313): View more from Michigan

you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.

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