Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
