My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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