i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
