Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
