Texts From Last Night · RaeForReal's Favorites

Sorry crosby8779 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

RaeForReal's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

(740): View more from Ohio

I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake

Fav 42 9234 1805
share tweet
(818): View more from California

he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror

Fav 14 6599 2075
share tweet

(506): View more from New Brunswick

I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to

Fav 26 5835 1877
share tweet
(925): View more from California

It smells like ranch

(925): View more from California

Must be all the white people

Fav 52 5928 2300
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.

Fav 18 1550 4770
share tweet
(304): View more from West Virginia

I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

Fav 21 10798 1960
share tweet

(678): View more from Georgia

Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?

(1-678): View more from Georgia

630.

Fav 22 7137 1578
share tweet

(757): View more from Virginia

It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.

Fav 36 6138 1561
share tweet
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage

Fav 96 3980 5613
share tweet
(312): View more from Illinois

sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.

Fav 20 1044 2487
share tweet
(337): View more from Louisiana

it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.

Fav 33 5260 1040
share tweet

(847): View more from Illinois

i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

Fav 47 12198 2839
share tweet

(419): View more from Ohio

I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said

Fav 21 5005 1498
share tweet
(310): View more from California

I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer

Fav 8 4733 944
share tweet

(513): View more from Ohio

i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

Fav 10 6371 2066
share tweet
(626): View more from California

Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

Fav 24 18757 1367
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.

Fav 22 3173 1086
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination

Fav 1 2286 792
share tweet
(865): View more from Tennessee

Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?

Fav 106 7124 1283
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.

Fav 12 3103 1019
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.

(1-214): View more from Texas

oh fuck your right

Fav 21 4761 1196
share tweet
(914): View more from New York

he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3

Fav 32 5731 2068
share tweet
(626): View more from California

Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.

Fav 30 1056 4785
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone

Fav 8 4604 973
share tweet
(773): View more from Illinois

I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying

Fav 1 1320 1325
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.

Fav 27 5392 1450
share tweet
(586): View more from Michigan

You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?

(1-586): View more from Michigan

You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.

Fav 22 8290 1149
share tweet
(+66): View more from Thailand

She said her name was "party"

Fav 3 2638 852
share tweet
(731): View more from Tennessee

the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.

Fav 17 4797 2448
share tweet
(734): View more from Michigan

Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.

Fav 35 5978 2656
share tweet
(806): View more from Texas

Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

Fav 6 5138 1041
share tweet
(269): View more from Michigan

You're my little dorito

Fav 4 2038 995
share tweet
(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm watching ellen!

(1-615): View more from Tennessee

just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show

Fav 12 11847 1904
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick

Fav 21 2098 790
share tweet
(732): View more from New Jersey

i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

Fav 31 30395 1601
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.

Fav 38 5624 1033
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.

Fav 15 4774 1746
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is

Fav 19 9776 1353
share tweet
(949): View more from California

You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.

Fav 22 4026 1157
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?

(1-812): View more from Indiana

All of them

Fav 42 10307 1174
share tweet
(209): View more from California

Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.

Fav 19 6823 1227
share tweet
(650): View more from California

Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm

Fav 19 1792 972
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"

Fav 43 1283 15241
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

I'm so horny

(913): View more from Kansas

I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect

Fav 12 6162 1587
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

Fav 23 8746 5540
share tweet
(402): View more from Nebraska

Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

At least he's a nutritious stoner...

Fav 18 8733 1588
share tweet
(212): View more from New York

Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.

Fav 39 4013 1814
share tweet
(304): View more from West Virginia

yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.

Fav 12 6451 1610
share tweet
(205): View more from Alabama

I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

Fav 21 7511 1781
share tweet
(708): View more from Illinois

He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

Fav 58 15471 2159
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.

(1-812): View more from Indiana

thatta girl

Fav 28 5384 1507
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet

Fav 19 4980 787
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.

Fav 5 2482 821
share tweet
(619): View more from California

Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!

Fav 18 2101 983
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.

(1-516): View more from New York

True life - we need to smoke together more often

Fav 8 4280 913
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

I'm fucking your sister right now.

(1-813): View more from Florida

You motherfucker

(813): View more from Florida

She's next.

Fav 154 67662 4391
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.

(860): View more from Connecticut

what did you do?

(203): View more from Connecticut

i asked her out. that's so hot.

Fav 56 10055 1277
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

Fav 262 21110 2542
share tweet
(520): View more from Arizona

I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie

Fav 39 7789 1891
share tweet
(252): View more from North Carolina

i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.

Fav 55 6403 1143
share tweet
(949): View more from California

I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden

Fav 9 1962 943
share tweet
(254): View more from Texas

just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.

Fav 37 5638 1351
share tweet
(954): View more from Florida

you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

Fav 82 27581 2040
share tweet
(413): View more from Massachusetts

I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.

Fav 20 6304 1183
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

Fav 73 19507 4224
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!

Fav 8 4957 1123
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"

(219): View more from Indiana

I have so much to learn from you, wise slut

Fav 20 4054 1150
share tweet
(925): View more from California

don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement

(510): View more from California

big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.

Fav 11 6996 1566
share tweet
(661): View more from California

aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

(623): View more from Arizona

And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

(661): View more from California

Exactly.

Fav 18 7364 1531
share tweet
(401): View more from Rhode Island

its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well

Fav 20 1704 5612
share tweet
(916): View more from California

I hate ducks.

(916): View more from California

What?

(916): View more from California

they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

Fav 55 3867 1187
share tweet
(301): View more from Maryland

He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.

Fav 17 1038 2957
share tweet
(209): View more from California

i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you

Fav 4 1295 3976
share tweet
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

Fav 40 9190 1028
share tweet
(520): View more from Arizona

he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it

(987): View more from

im ashamed your my cousin

Fav 15 1388 3660
share tweet
(210): View more from Texas

I molested 6 butterflies tonight

Fav 14 1784 1053
share tweet
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

are you so shy because you have an std?

Fav 8 831 3514
share tweet
(951): View more from California

I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to

Fav 24 1441 5101
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.

Fav 18 1354 2976
share tweet
(435): View more from Utah

Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood

Fav 57 9519 1409
share tweet
(219): View more from Indiana

Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role

Fav 14 1203 4305
share tweet
(920): View more from Wisconsin

i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

Fav 26 13590 1717
share tweet
(815): View more from Illinois

there was naked duck duck goose

(703): View more from Virginia

how does that even get suggested?!

(815): View more from Illinois

after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal

Fav 20 8206 1455
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

(774): View more from Massachusetts

Someone just got laid.

Fav 17 9767 1649
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

the vacuum is drunk

(703): View more from Virginia

what?

(908): View more from New Jersey

i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

Fav 17 3099 1075
share tweet
(916): View more from California

ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra

Fav 5 2937 771
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes

Fav 13 6515 1368
share tweet
(231): View more from Michigan

bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.

(517): View more from Michigan

Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.

Fav 49 6701 1912
share tweet
(231): View more from Michigan

i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror

(906): View more from Michigan

its going to be a good night

Fav 22 5795 1074
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

Fav 210 33065 3529
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.

Fav 25 4119 747
share tweet
(702): View more from Nevada

You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

Fav 13 5535 1679
share tweet
(773): View more from Illinois

you want me

(978): View more from Massachusetts

i'd rather choke on a dick.

Fav 3 1373 1994
share tweet
(707): View more from California

OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.

(1-707): View more from California

Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.

Fav 11 1961 3580
share tweet
(251): View more from Alabama

you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

Fav 58 12694 1530
share tweet
(440): View more from Ohio

last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.

Fav 14 985 3957
share tweet
(646): View more from New York

I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.

Fav 26 9532 1651
share tweet
(765): View more from Indiana

That was a long time ago. She needed the money.

Fav 11 1417 1012
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face

Fav 28 3350 1287
share tweet
(423): View more from Tennessee

I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.

(1-423): View more from Tennessee

I honestly don't know what to make of that.

(423): View more from Tennessee

A ham sandwich would be nice.

Fav 16 8166 1577
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty

Fav 14 4772 1441
share tweet
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex

Fav 25 6273 2160
share tweet
(225): View more from Louisiana

True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us

Fav 4 3764 1548
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities

Fav 30 7829 3210
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.

Fav 19 5652 1426
share tweet
(806): View more from Texas

Two words Indian burn...

(1-806): View more from Texas

What did she think it was, a shake weight?

Fav 27 1476 6200
share tweet
(774): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.

Fav 18 5654 1269
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after

Fav 50 4981 1157
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

those are such fre$h shoes

(1-508): View more from Massachusetts

going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign

Fav 29 1653 4081
share tweet
(810): View more from Michigan

Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police

(616): View more from Michigan

What?!?

(810): View more from Michigan

What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police

Fav 20 4995 1150
share tweet
(520): View more from Arizona

If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.

Fav 59 5518 1112
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

Fav 41 9811 1749
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

Fav 17 5051 1023
share tweet
(702): View more from Nevada

I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me

Fav 41 3508 1108
share tweet
(651): View more from Minnesota

News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.

Fav 7 5127 915
share tweet
(573): View more from Missouri

I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.

Fav 73 6253 1151
share tweet
(801): View more from Utah

Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

Fav 46 20095 2060
share tweet
(207): View more from Maine

I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.

Fav 19 862 4043
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

Fav 51 25039 2258
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?

(325): View more from Texas

Because you touch yourself at night.

Fav 14 3593 1267
share tweet
(205): View more from Alabama

Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..

(256): View more from Alabama

everythings easier when your wearing a toga.

Fav 22 7648 1366
share tweet
(251): View more from Alabama

Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance

(303): View more from Colorado

It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.

Fav 16 2721 1063
share tweet
(413): View more from Massachusetts

In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

Fav 48 8333 2401
share tweet
(408): View more from California

i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.

Fav 16 1210 6080
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein

Fav 36 5441 1068
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later

Fav 11 5376 1483
share tweet
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

did you fuck him yet?

(1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?

Fav 22 6908 1105
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon

(1-503): View more from Oregon

all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis

Fav 26 5244 1163
share tweet
(262): View more from Wisconsin

Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

Fav 66 11494 2329
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

Fav 9 7415 1610
share tweet
(330): View more from Ohio

Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".

Fav 31 6459 1663
share tweet
(804): View more from Virginia

no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies

Fav 18 4207 1636
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room

Fav 22 8590 2191
share tweet
(774): View more from Massachusetts

ugh. my soul tastes like vodka

Fav 9 4742 1239
share tweet
(352): View more from Florida

i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

Fav 185 53787 3103
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier

Fav 6 8395 1363
share tweet
(714): View more from California

I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

(949): View more from California

I gave it to your brother to give to you.

Fav 57 14526 5762
share tweet
(818): View more from California

I regularly think about how cool your nickname is

Fav 3 2522 1607
share tweet
(269): View more from Michigan

We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.

Fav 9 4087 883
share tweet
(608): View more from Wisconsin

If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.

Fav 70 4136 992
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

I really wanna talk..

(1-817): View more from Texas

if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down

Fav 82 8306 1251
share tweet
(319): View more from Iowa

On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

(316): View more from Kansas

Toaster

Fav 48 26746 2046
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up

Fav 78 1439 5316
share tweet
(216): View more from Ohio

somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.

Fav 17 9433 1451
share tweet