Texts From Last Night · shazzamm's Favorites

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shazzamm's Favorites Texts:

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(862): View more from New Jersey

I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.

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(410): View more from Maryland

You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.

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(613): View more from Ontario

On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?

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(757): View more from Virginia

She fuckin peed on me

(817): View more from Texas

Stay golden ponyboy

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(+61): View more from Australia

He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?

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(970): View more from Colorado

I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

Fav 23 7110 1578
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(435): View more from Utah

Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.

Fav 29 6280 1536
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