Texts From Last Night · bldrmn's Favorites

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bldrmn's Favorites Texts:

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.

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(718): View more from New York

Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

YOUR STATE IS STUPID

(201): View more from New Jersey

Did you miss a turn again?

(603): View more from New Hampshire

WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY

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(856): View more from New Jersey

but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.

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(315): View more from New York

i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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(513): View more from Ohio

She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.

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