Texts From Last Night · goober121's Favorites

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goober121's Favorites Texts:

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(417): View more from Missouri

She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.

Fav 21 4139 1699
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.

Fav 12 5515 1495
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(209): View more from California

you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...

Fav 9 3867 1616
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(317): View more from Indiana

He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

(1-317): View more from Indiana

He's the fucking cop whisperer.

Fav 25 11788 1401
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(865): View more from Tennessee

Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.

Fav 17 4459 1191
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(647): View more from Ontario

making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.

Fav 8 1480 3181
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(727): View more from Florida

there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.

Fav 17 4220 2214
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis

Fav 12 4619 1237
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