Texts From Last Night · laurakii's Favorites

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laurakii's Favorites Texts:

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(505): View more from New Mexico

There is a pube in my fucking eyeball

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"

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(415): View more from California

sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.

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(443): View more from Maryland

and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp

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(817): View more from Texas

They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

(214): View more from Texas

Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

(817): View more from Texas

You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better

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(989): View more from Michigan

Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

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