Texts From Last Night · rokqueen's Favorites

Sorry keshea hasn't picked any favorites yet.

rokqueen's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

(813): View more from Florida

I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

Fav 64 8372 1221
share tweet
(641): View more from Iowa

she has no idea who harrison ford is.

(617): View more from Massachusetts

see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s

Fav 52 975 3796
share tweet

(646): View more from New York

Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.

Fav 20 7157 1054
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick

Fav 10 6405 1785
share tweet
(678): View more from Georgia

NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree

(404): View more from Georgia

YES.

Fav 5 4005 1187
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.

Fav 10 1791 3850
share tweet

(607): View more from New York

We can grow old together and our livers can fail together

Fav 9 4734 1630
share tweet

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw

(281): View more from Texas

I love Texas.

Fav 48 4299 876
share tweet
(546): View more from

Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.

Fav 65 3288 1108
share tweet
(281): View more from Texas

I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.

Fav 6 7152 1500
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day

Fav 4 3818 1131
share tweet

(555): View more from

My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique

Fav 17 4793 1774
share tweet

(256): View more from Alabama

you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

Fav 11 13930 1745
share tweet
(978): View more from Massachusetts

Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.

Fav 37 12168 1113
share tweet

(816): View more from Missouri

Absence makes the cock grow harder.

Fav 17 7160 1641
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome

Fav 77 6566 2358
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.

Fav 29 6043 1618
share tweet
(949): View more from California

hell yes lets make some ravioli

Fav 9 2686 925
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits

Fav 54 4668 1504
share tweet
(401): View more from Rhode Island

it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.

Fav 16 5610 1612
share tweet
(916): View more from California

Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.

Fav 26 7060 1340
share tweet
(405): View more from Oklahoma

Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

Fav 34 8629 1337
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.

Fav 18 840 1507
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

Where were you when I was single???

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

Still in diapers.

Fav 15 1853 1059
share tweet
(407): View more from Florida

i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing

Fav 17 6344 1580
share tweet
(540): View more from Virginia

Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.

Fav 20 8435 2013
share tweet
(262): View more from Wisconsin

The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks

Fav 25 6793 1420
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

First class.

Fav 16 5191 963
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy

(360): View more from Washington

man i love america

Fav 16 5174 1025
share tweet
(608): View more from Wisconsin

She tied me up with her honor cords...

Fav 29 11563 1381
share tweet
(818): View more from California

i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.

Fav 12 4116 1119
share tweet
(818): View more from California

I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar

Fav 13 4176 1215
share tweet
(905): View more from Toronto

me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.

Fav 10 5485 1018
share tweet
(559): View more from California

So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

(1-559): View more from California

That depends on who this is.

Fav 42 15246 2558
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.

Fav 45 10810 1048
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.

(478): View more from Georgia

I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.

Fav 28 6243 1625
share tweet
(615): View more from Tennessee

I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America

Fav 20 4491 1251
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.

Fav 11 3492 1053
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it

Fav 28 1016 4124
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

I would do horrible things to your vagina.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Prove it.

Fav 184 96429 5745
share tweet
(509): View more from Washington

Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.

Fav 13 4634 2193
share tweet
(952): View more from Minnesota

What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?

Fav 34 1531 2157
share tweet
(253): View more from Washington

Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

Fav 37 1445 5722
share tweet
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.

Fav 9 4298 946
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well

Fav 7 4277 1132
share tweet
(217): View more from Illinois

I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats

Fav 14 2222 3012
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen

Fav 17 6011 1377
share tweet
(856): View more from New Jersey

Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.

Fav 9 2936 793
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.

Fav 33 8669 967
share tweet
(773): View more from Illinois

i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.

(773): View more from Illinois

SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person

Fav 11 2339 3428
share tweet
(925): View more from California

i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit

Fav 46 5366 1325
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

Fav 33 8717 1191
share tweet
(843): View more from South Carolina

I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.

Fav 9 4374 829
share tweet
(514): View more from Quebec

i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them

(514): View more from Quebec

the remaining ten - you weren't in

Fav 32 5298 910
share tweet
(386): View more from Florida

after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

Fav 60 37317 1624
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

break up sex still means we will always be broken up.

Fav 1 1252 1462
share tweet
(425): View more from Washington

Hi

(805): View more from California

Babe...You're really smothering me right now

Fav 34 1341 5200
share tweet
(706): View more from Georgia

I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

Fav 83 18221 2406
share tweet
(646): View more from New York

Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?

Fav 7 1385 769
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course

Fav 62 2491 1380
share tweet
(707): View more from California

i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting

Fav 13 4748 1048
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

Fav 17 3127 962
share tweet
(212): View more from New York

Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!

Fav 26 4405 1080
share tweet
(606): View more from Kentucky

That's why Kanye is a gay fish.

Fav 103 8759 1181
share tweet
(916): View more from California

This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here

Fav 16 5184 1436
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.

Fav 7 7965 1199
share tweet
(608): View more from Wisconsin

Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.

Fav 18 7786 1470
share tweet
(281): View more from Texas

I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...

Fav 21 1426 6093
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.

Fav 40 6358 815
share tweet
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit

(303): View more from Colorado

I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex

Fav 8 2872 1040
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

Fav 32 11989 1710
share tweet
(949): View more from California

i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit

Fav 13 3578 1362
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.

Fav 11 1278 3816
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks

Fav 13 6231 1208
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."

Fav 18 5521 1319
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b

Fav 47 2667 6716
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.

Fav 47 10193 2535
share tweet
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.

Fav 9 5229 1197
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.

(519): View more from Ontario

If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.

Fav 158 1891 1279
share tweet
(678): View more from Georgia

Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about

Fav 32 8109 1354
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep

Fav 54 7846 1202
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him

Fav 144 18335 3511
share tweet
(802): View more from Vermont

good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...

Fav 14 1026 2827
share tweet
(773): View more from Illinois

I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.

Fav 14 1423 1410
share tweet
(713): View more from Texas

My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.

Fav 34 3541 1034
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss

Fav 22 5435 845
share tweet
(602): View more from Arizona

You can't motorboat a personality

Fav 18 1694 2544
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense

Fav 20 8402 1250
share tweet
(281): View more from Texas

what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?

Fav 41 5671 1217
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!

Fav 24 4517 1258
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

How drunk are you??

(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm flawless.

Fav 8 2650 989
share tweet
(213): View more from California

I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.

Fav 21 6673 1824
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.

Fav 18 5170 1112
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar

Fav 12 3418 2398
share tweet
(413): View more from Massachusetts

I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.

Fav 11 5826 1666
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...

Fav 5 1679 1055
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

fucking a dude

(703): View more from Virginia

i mean: fucking a, dude

(703): View more from Virginia

wow, that comma made all the difference there

Fav 93 11883 1514
share tweet
(337): View more from Louisiana

it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.

Fav 33 5260 1040
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick

(541): View more from Oregon

the rest of him looks just as crooked

Fav 14 905 4334
share tweet
(504): View more from Louisiana

How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?

Fav 27 7537 1410
share tweet
(646): View more from New York

I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.

Fav 34 8167 1051
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan

Fav 10 6820 1207
share tweet
(613): View more from Ontario

i told him im from Canada, abortion is free

Fav 137 4773 1491
share tweet
(848): View more from New Jersey

a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving

Fav 25 7190 1122
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.

Fav 47 8347 1037
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

Fav 55 6617 1440
share tweet
(414): View more from Wisconsin

My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat

Fav 63 12146 2452
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward

Fav 23 4817 1402
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous

Fav 9 1701 5507
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

And that worked?

(919): View more from North Carolina

9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

Fav 70 14195 1981
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.

Fav 11 3853 1078
share tweet
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

My brain says no but my pants say off.

Fav 7 5488 1093
share tweet
(212): View more from New York

i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light

Fav 9 934 2928
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

New charity walk idea!

Fav 31 13773 1366
share tweet
(718): View more from New York

did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?

Fav 17 4383 1035
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

I'm fucking your sister right now.

(1-813): View more from Florida

You motherfucker

(813): View more from Florida

She's next.

Fav 154 67668 4394
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella

Fav 31 12933 1962
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas

Fav 22 8652 1448
share tweet
(949): View more from California

We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations

Fav 6 5897 1338
share tweet
(608): View more from Wisconsin

do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?

Fav 13 5485 1375
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"

Fav 48 4532 1057
share tweet
(206): View more from Washington

Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.

Fav 7 4182 1040
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow

Fav 13 5709 1428
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.

Fav 40 9348 1142
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

Fav 179 88549 4083
share tweet