Texts From Last Night · sai's Favorites

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sai's Favorites Texts:

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(517): View more from Michigan

can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised

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(260): View more from Indiana

Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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(850): View more from Florida

the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...

(1-850): View more from Florida

that makes sense.

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(224): View more from Illinois

Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays

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(618): View more from Illinois

so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?

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(910): View more from North Carolina

so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

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(913): View more from Kansas

your address is 607B right?

(785): View more from Kansas

yeah why?

(913): View more from Kansas

i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it

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(434): View more from Virginia

just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!

(1-434): View more from Virginia

why is this not a picture message?!?!

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(309): View more from Illinois

I learned to sign I want to be on you today

(1-309): View more from Illinois

Score

(309): View more from Illinois

Deaf chicks here I come

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?

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(478): View more from Georgia

you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.

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(802): View more from Vermont

My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college

(516): View more from New York

is she hot?

(802): View more from Vermont

She is now

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(775): View more from Nevada

I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.

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(573): View more from Missouri

I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair

(573): View more from Missouri

Found more tequila

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(360): View more from Washington

i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew

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(407): View more from Florida

this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.

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(773): View more from Illinois

you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"

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(716): View more from New York

holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

(1-716): View more from New York

How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

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(812): View more from Indiana

McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?

(1-812): View more from Indiana

All of them

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(816): View more from Missouri

dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life

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(805): View more from California

It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"

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(812): View more from Indiana

I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.

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(325): View more from Texas

Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero

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(520): View more from Arizona

I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.

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(979): View more from Texas

i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.

(903): View more from Texas

wow. i have no words.

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(514): View more from Quebec

Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in

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(954): View more from Florida

I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.

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(303): View more from Colorado

We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

How did people poop without Blackberrys?

(416): View more from Ontario

Motorola Razers?

(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Stone age, man.

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(124): View more from

Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

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(678): View more from Georgia

stop calling my apartment porn island.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.

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(315): View more from New York

The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever

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(307): View more from Wyoming

If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.

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(925): View more from California

I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.

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(216): View more from Ohio

ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.

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(214): View more from Texas

probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time

(972): View more from Texas

i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"

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(303): View more from Colorado

if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous

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(972): View more from Texas

you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

(214): View more from Texas

round 2?

(972): View more from Texas

EVER.

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(770): View more from Georgia

He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.

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(641): View more from Iowa

I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

are you high?

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(410): View more from Maryland

Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!

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(301): View more from Maryland

i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs

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(214): View more from Texas

I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.

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(816): View more from Missouri

you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

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(660): View more from Missouri

We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.

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(425): View more from Washington

he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"

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(607): View more from New York

i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.

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(512): View more from Texas

At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."

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(204): View more from Manitoba

When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?

(1-204): View more from Manitoba

When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?

(204): View more from Manitoba

I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...

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(574): View more from Indiana

I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.

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(912): View more from Georgia

I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person

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(785): View more from Kansas

So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?

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(480): View more from Arizona

I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning

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(503): View more from Oregon

i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking

(1-503): View more from Oregon

I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning

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(619): View more from California

you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

(716): View more from New York

do you not see the irony in that??

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(302): View more from Delaware

I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

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(541): View more from Oregon

my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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(810): View more from Michigan

I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein

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(216): View more from Ohio

So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.

(1-216): View more from Ohio

Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.

(216): View more from Ohio

Take that integrity

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(248): View more from Michigan

Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity

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(817): View more from Texas

Dude. Creed is coming in september.

(1-817): View more from Texas

We're no longer friends.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

(908): View more from New Jersey

I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

(201): View more from New Jersey

Tie

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(410): View more from Maryland

can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

(443): View more from Maryland

wasted?

(410): View more from Maryland

im pocohantasssss

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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(850): View more from Florida

this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen

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(813): View more from Florida

I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

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(503): View more from Oregon

I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is

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(353): View more from

When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head

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(817): View more from Texas

she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'

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(917): View more from New York City

She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?

(646): View more from New York

Lmao what?

(917): View more from New York City

It's a yes or no question.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?

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(616): View more from Michigan

She acts like you when your on meds

(510): View more from California

She acts like batman?

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(631): View more from New York

It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from

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(619): View more from California

reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy

(1-619): View more from California

sounds legit

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(913): View more from Kansas

The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.

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(512): View more from Texas

halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...

(480): View more from Arizona

exactly, that's why i want something interesting

(512): View more from Texas

slutty neuroscientist?

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(317): View more from Indiana

Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?

(812): View more from Indiana

You're dead to me.

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(585): View more from New York

i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates

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(720): View more from Colorado

There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"

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(636): View more from Missouri

this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...

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(415): View more from California

The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.

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(705): View more from Ontario

How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?

(1-705): View more from Ontario

I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.

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(214): View more from Texas

Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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(253): View more from Washington

Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt

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(518): View more from New York

you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'

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(949): View more from California

you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."

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(702): View more from Nevada

we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?

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(503): View more from Oregon

do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?

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(410): View more from Maryland

you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga

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(317): View more from Indiana

eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.

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(512): View more from Texas

did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school

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(541): View more from Oregon

So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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(408): View more from California

Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.

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(972): View more from Texas

You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

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(415): View more from California

And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.

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(415): View more from California

Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok

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