Texts From Last Night · triplnikl's Favorites

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(647): View more from Ontario

I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men

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(302): View more from Delaware

I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.

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(352): View more from Florida

I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...

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(509): View more from Washington

As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.

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(903): View more from Texas

So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.

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(518): View more from New York

I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns

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(325): View more from Texas

You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.

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(812): View more from Indiana

It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.

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(647): View more from Ontario

I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm

(1-757): View more from Virginia

Dick in a box?

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!

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(870): View more from Arkansas

If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.

(1-870): View more from Arkansas

You always know what to say to make me feel better.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.

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(503): View more from Oregon

She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?

(503): View more from Oregon

Employee of the year! :)

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured

(617): View more from Massachusetts

I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed

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(214): View more from Texas

My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.

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(806): View more from Texas

No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

well in DOG beers, i've only had one

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(801): View more from Utah

I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER

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(714): View more from California

the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?

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(971): View more from Oregon

He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.

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(207): View more from Maine

Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.

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(903): View more from Texas

Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

How have you survived this long?

(479): View more from Arkansas

Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.

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(530): View more from California

I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I can't. I will literally throw up my liver

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.

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(916): View more from California

Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.

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(207): View more from Maine

remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?

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(540): View more from Virginia

my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.

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(775): View more from Nevada

He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?

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(317): View more from Indiana

Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Sorry. Im on my way.

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(254): View more from Texas

There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator

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(913): View more from Kansas

Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.

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(224): View more from Illinois

I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!

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(404): View more from Georgia

He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.

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(757): View more from Virginia

We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.

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(816): View more from Missouri

You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina

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(614): View more from Ohio

Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.

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(928): View more from Arizona

If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Where was your thought process?

(1-778): View more from British Columbia

Drowning in my hangover.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.

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(818): View more from California

You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.

(805): View more from California

Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.

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(916): View more from California

Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now

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(307): View more from Wyoming

i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table

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(509): View more from Washington

i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

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(650): View more from California

Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today

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(505): View more from New Mexico

We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.

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(561): View more from Florida

Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast

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(714): View more from California

Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.

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(480): View more from Arizona

It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??

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(208): View more from Idaho

I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride

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(503): View more from Oregon

There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.

(303): View more from Colorado

Glad to hear you raised your standards

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(310): View more from California

Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.

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(214): View more from Texas

There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.

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(817): View more from Texas

But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities

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(310): View more from California

My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...

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(313): View more from Michigan

I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.

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(217): View more from Illinois

You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.

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(406): View more from Montana

I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."

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(623): View more from Arizona

We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.

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(425): View more from Washington

Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...

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(619): View more from California

I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.

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(415): View more from California

So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.

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(312): View more from Illinois

i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it

(917): View more from New York City

the suitcase or the dildo?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.

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(785): View more from Kansas

You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.

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(515): View more from Iowa

oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport

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(480): View more from Arizona

My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"

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(707): View more from California

He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.

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(281): View more from Texas

What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I guess God knew he was going to be bald...

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.

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(661): View more from California

I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

Thanks, mom.

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(845): View more from New York

You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.

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(518): View more from New York

our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..

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(406): View more from Montana

Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.

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(361): View more from Texas

After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.

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(214): View more from Texas

You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis

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(612): View more from Minnesota

he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper

(952): View more from Minnesota

Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?

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(317): View more from Indiana

Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.

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(650): View more from California

Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"

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(404): View more from Georgia

I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?

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(512): View more from Texas

in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"

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(256): View more from Alabama

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

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(818): View more from California

i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.

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(917): View more from New York City

If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?

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(906): View more from Michigan

Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

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(812): View more from Indiana

If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

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(703): View more from Virginia

i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.

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(817): View more from Texas

He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?

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(856): View more from New Jersey

part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.

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(347): View more from New York

Moan for me like Helen Keller

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(503): View more from Oregon

I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.

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(415): View more from California

i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased

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(989): View more from Michigan

Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.

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(614): View more from Ohio

she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men

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(941): View more from Florida

sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single

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(757): View more from Virginia

I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.

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(913): View more from Kansas

They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.

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(253): View more from Washington

Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?

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(519): View more from Ontario

Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I am midnight drunk by noon

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(404): View more from Georgia

we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother

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(214): View more from Texas

She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

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(860): View more from Connecticut

How drunk are you??

(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm flawless.

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(801): View more from Utah

He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...

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(330): View more from Ohio

We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.

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(954): View more from Florida

I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues

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(602): View more from Arizona

I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you

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(404): View more from Georgia

considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.

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(315): View more from New York

Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.

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(269): View more from Michigan

dude she's married.

(1-269): View more from Michigan

so? a ring don't cover no holes.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim

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(979): View more from Texas

if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

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(520): View more from Arizona

But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.

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(586): View more from Michigan

their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?

(1-586): View more from Michigan

and what kinds of feelings would these be?

(586): View more from Michigan

Happy, horny, occasionally hungry

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(917): View more from New York City

Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him

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(651): View more from Minnesota

The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

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(352): View more from Florida

I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last

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(518): View more from New York

I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

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(818): View more from California

I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy

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(360): View more from Washington

he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

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(479): View more from Arkansas

hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

what?

(479): View more from Arkansas

your penis

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request

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(440): View more from Ohio

Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?

(1-440): View more from Ohio

because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?

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(917): View more from New York City

Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Five things that make you perfect. Go.

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I just saw the nastiest chick.

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

Where?

(603): View more from New Hampshire

woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you

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(419): View more from Ohio

More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.

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(619): View more from California

I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity

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(415): View more from California

sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.

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(804): View more from Virginia

IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT

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(310): View more from California

He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

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(323): View more from California

Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me

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(614): View more from Ohio

see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy

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(530): View more from California

The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.

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(812): View more from Indiana

i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.

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(913): View more from Kansas

You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment

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(719): View more from Colorado

There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.

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(417): View more from Missouri

My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.

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(631): View more from New York

we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,

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(817): View more from Texas

I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.

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(512): View more from Texas

Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?

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(517): View more from Michigan

the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings

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(859): View more from Kentucky

i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey

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(810): View more from Michigan

Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?

(828): View more from North Carolina

Is it working?

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