Texts From Last Night · capt0bv10u5's Favorites

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

capt0bv10u5's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

ADVERTISEMENT

(636): View more from Missouri

Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.

Fav 1 1082 391
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."

Fav 0 749 360
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(240): View more from Maryland

I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.

Fav 0 770 699
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

I think I accidentally invented a religion.

Fav 4 740 416
share tweet
(306): View more from Saskatchewan

when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.

Fav 4 1529 446
share tweet
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...

Fav 1 1064 381
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(406): View more from Montana

He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"

Fav 2 588 675
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen

Fav 1 640 429
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT