Texts From Last Night · dieselkinevel's Favorites

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dieselkinevel's Favorites Texts:

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(423): View more from Tennessee

He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.

Fav 7 1951 722
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(619): View more from California

He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.

Fav 9 1142 2668
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(613): View more from Ontario

Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?

Fav 4 2000 793
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(870): View more from Arkansas

He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n

Fav 4 2051 968
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.

Fav 22 4790 943
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(904): View more from Florida

Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.

Fav 4 2385 801
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(859): View more from Kentucky

When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"

Fav 6 3573 1912
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(718): View more from New York

He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!

Fav 7 3030 814
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