Texts From Last Night · scotty_penguin's Favorites

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scotty_penguin's Favorites Texts:

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(612): View more from Minnesota

he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...

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(862): View more from New Jersey

I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

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(607): View more from New York

Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.

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(847): View more from Illinois

i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

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(770): View more from Georgia

my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

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(443): View more from Maryland

Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon

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(616): View more from Michigan

whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

(231): View more from Michigan

i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

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(443): View more from Maryland

its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike

(303): View more from Colorado

you still have morals?

(443): View more from Maryland

Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole

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