Texts From Last Night · vault4's Favorites

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(432): View more from Texas

then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.

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(352): View more from Florida

Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.

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(214): View more from Texas

New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.

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(519): View more from Ontario

When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

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(573): View more from Missouri

dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

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(205): View more from Alabama

After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.

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(847): View more from Illinois

well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."

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(541): View more from Oregon

I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year

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(434): View more from Virginia

He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

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(226): View more from Ontario

I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.

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(518): View more from New York

I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "

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(304): View more from West Virginia

this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool

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(845): View more from New York

The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy

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(971): View more from Oregon

He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

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(312): View more from Illinois

he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl

(313): View more from Michigan

you mean his girlfriend

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

like hot dogs and buns.

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(206): View more from Washington

Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.

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(941): View more from Florida

If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?

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(952): View more from Minnesota

True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.

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(323): View more from California

I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.

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(912): View more from Georgia

I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking

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(+33): View more from France

On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."

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(704): View more from North Carolina

he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.

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(03): View more from

you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!

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(515): View more from Iowa

theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass

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(732): View more from New Jersey

she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love

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(410): View more from Maryland

When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.

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(214): View more from Texas

What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.

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(317): View more from Indiana

she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass

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(310): View more from California

i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."

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(251): View more from Alabama

As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.

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(509): View more from Washington

Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.

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(770): View more from Georgia

my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

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(301): View more from Maryland

you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.

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(661): View more from California

aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

(623): View more from Arizona

And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

(661): View more from California

Exactly.

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(562): View more from California

If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up

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(313): View more from Michigan

So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.

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(904): View more from Florida

sorry about calling you the devil all night.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

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(810): View more from Michigan

oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno

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(916): View more from California

day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.

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(323): View more from California

Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??

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(708): View more from Illinois

blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes

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(404): View more from Georgia

"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?

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(352): View more from Florida

I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.

(352): View more from Florida

Just realized these events may be related.

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(602): View more from Arizona

We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.

(480): View more from Arizona

What will that accomplish?

(602): View more from Arizona

It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.

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(562): View more from California

cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi

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(516): View more from New York

I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.

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(714): View more from California

Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?

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(216): View more from Ohio

My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

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(515): View more from Iowa

so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!

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(850): View more from Florida

my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?

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(517): View more from Michigan

Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...

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(713): View more from Texas

We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

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(210): View more from Texas

Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

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(408): View more from California

i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal

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(612): View more from Minnesota

hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore

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(678): View more from Georgia

I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.

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(305): View more from Florida

Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.

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(347): View more from New York

the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant

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(916): View more from California

come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.

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(443): View more from Maryland

repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall

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(815): View more from Illinois

He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?

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(862): View more from New Jersey

5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF

(973): View more from New Jersey

children are so perceptive these days... and horny

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(713): View more from Texas

she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

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(614): View more from Ohio

yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

(1-614): View more from Ohio

and what did he say?

(614): View more from Ohio

there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky

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(813): View more from Florida

She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.

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(713): View more from Texas

I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

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(973): View more from New Jersey

how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?

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(301): View more from Maryland

I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...

(443): View more from Maryland

How'd that go?

(301): View more from Maryland

Hes on his way with a baseball bat...

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

(763): View more from Minnesota

is that a poem?!

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(913): View more from Kansas

he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.

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(813): View more from Florida

my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

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(646): View more from New York

Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair

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(530): View more from California

We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either

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(303): View more from Colorado

other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do

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(862): View more from New Jersey

found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied

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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.

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(802): View more from Vermont

his penis is PERFECT

(802): View more from Vermont

I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

(802): View more from Vermont

or knit it little hat

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(210): View more from Texas

Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.

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(816): View more from Missouri

She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

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(714): View more from California

walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

(714): View more from California

he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

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(515): View more from Iowa

So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

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(904): View more from Florida

When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"

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(714): View more from California

So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him

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(203): View more from Connecticut

he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.

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(305): View more from Florida

We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.

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(712): View more from Iowa

I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night

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(520): View more from Arizona

while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.

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(714): View more from California

when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow

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(801): View more from Utah

hey, what are you doing tonight?

(646): View more from New York

sleeping, g'night!

(801): View more from Utah

but i wanted to see you :(

(646): View more from New York

sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!

(646): View more from New York

stop - you have a right hand - use it!

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(235): View more from

I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

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(786): View more from Florida

She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick

(305): View more from Florida

I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

come over i need a lifeguard for my shower

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(206): View more from Washington

woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night

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(860): View more from Connecticut

yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her

(860): View more from Connecticut

but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"

(860): View more from Connecticut

but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies

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(586): View more from Michigan

just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.

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(214): View more from Texas

Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.

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(415): View more from California

And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"

(1-415): View more from California

What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.

(415): View more from California

He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."

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(330): View more from Ohio

if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.

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(914): View more from New York

I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

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(636): View more from Missouri

they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...

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(904): View more from Florida

Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

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(647): View more from Ontario

all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

(905): View more from Ontario

You're fat. Stop making excuses

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(803): View more from South Carolina

It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"

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(630): View more from Illinois

Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms

(712): View more from Iowa

Oh God

(515): View more from Iowa

I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship

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(602): View more from Arizona

Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...

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(917): View more from New York City

I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

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(919): View more from North Carolina

anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now

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(907): View more from Alaska

the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

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(253): View more from Washington

I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.

(281): View more from Texas

No. Just liquor. Time's no good.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me

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(626): View more from California

she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.

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(253): View more from Washington

Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.

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(217): View more from Illinois

i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.

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(915): View more from Texas

Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"

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(425): View more from Washington

i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

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(847): View more from Illinois

He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

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(440): View more from Ohio

So you threw a sword at me last night

(419): View more from Ohio

I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.

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(248): View more from Michigan

He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM

(616): View more from Michigan

Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?

(401): View more from Rhode Island

wait... oh

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(250): View more from British Columbia

This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this

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(818): View more from California

I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.

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(816): View more from Missouri

this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?

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(914): View more from New York

saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend

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(805): View more from California

just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

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(770): View more from Georgia

The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding

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(586): View more from Michigan

I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.

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(208): View more from Idaho

The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"

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(702): View more from Nevada

When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

I've always been the spiritual type.

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(573): View more from Missouri

just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch

(636): View more from Missouri

Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?

(573): View more from Missouri

IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation

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(301): View more from Maryland

If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?

(513): View more from Ohio

Get out now.

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(906): View more from Michigan

It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again

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(480): View more from Arizona

I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.

(602): View more from Arizona

you slept with him again didn't you

(480): View more from Arizona

you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well

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(678): View more from Georgia

I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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(248): View more from Michigan

You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

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(207): View more from Maine

there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets

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(760): View more from California

my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...

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(256): View more from Alabama

As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.

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(334): View more from Alabama

how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.

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(489): View more from

watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .

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(514): View more from Quebec

His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Princesses don't give blow jobs

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(732): View more from New Jersey

there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.

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(805): View more from California

bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...

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(415): View more from California

I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"

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(980): View more from North Carolina

You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.

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(509): View more from Washington

He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.

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(425): View more from Washington

i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.

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(815): View more from Illinois

There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious

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(845): View more from New York

my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie

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(773): View more from Illinois

Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.

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(757): View more from Virginia

margs and chips and queso make the world go round

(1-757): View more from Virginia

well and inertia

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