Texts From Last Night · goatgoat's Favorites

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goatgoat's Favorites Texts:

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(909): View more from California

The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.

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(231): View more from Michigan

I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!

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(416): View more from Toronto

Best. Handjob. Ever.

(905): View more from Ontario

I'm guessing Kelly is over?

(416): View more from Toronto

Nope. Home alone.

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(720): View more from Colorado

She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

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(+33): View more from France

On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

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