Texts From Last Night · paracletephoenix's Favorites

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paracletephoenix's Favorites Texts:

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(765): View more from Indiana

This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it

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(956): View more from Texas

I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.

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(760): View more from California

The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter

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(229): View more from Georgia

She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.

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(817): View more from Texas

Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.

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(510): View more from California

I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard

(1-510): View more from California

Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus

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