Texts From Last Night · ZAK13's Favorites

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ZAK13's Favorites Texts:

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts

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(713): View more from Texas

Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.

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(949): View more from California

Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis

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(843): View more from South Carolina

There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.

(843): View more from South Carolina

I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.

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