Texts From Last Night · darnedsock's Favorites

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darnedsock's Favorites Texts:

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(231): View more from Michigan

if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid

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(917): View more from New York City

Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.

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(425): View more from Washington

He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that

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(817): View more from Texas

I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"

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(812): View more from Indiana

There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."

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