Texts From Last Night · bonavalenta's Favorites

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bonavalenta's Favorites Texts:

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(514): View more from Quebec

I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick

Fav 2 598 374
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(360): View more from Washington

Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.

Fav 5 503 338
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete

Fav 3 439 339
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(905): View more from Ontario

I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me

Fav 0 622 370
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(810): View more from Michigan

He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away

Fav 1 908 405
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(734): View more from Michigan

Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head

Fav 1 734 334
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(320): View more from Minnesota

I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.

Fav 1 1083 625
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(503): View more from Oregon

Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?

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