Texts From Last Night · Kal_Elvis's Favorites

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Kal_Elvis's Favorites Texts:

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(240): View more from Maryland

Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.

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(330): View more from Ohio

This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?

Fav 23 5235 1034
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(305): View more from Florida

I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.

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(319): View more from Iowa

then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed

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(319): View more from Iowa

Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.

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